A Little About Me:
I would honor an opportunity of meeting with you and discussing your concerns. I have 25+ years of experience working with individuals, couples, and families. I believe each person has unique skills, talents, and abilities. I work with individuals and couples to uncover these abilities and use them in effective ways in their lives and in their relationships.
I enjoy sharing the tools I have learned that help clients manage anxiety and depression. I am passionate about helping individuals and couples bring more joy, peace, and happiness into their personal and relational lives. Please call 651-643-0729 to schedule an appointment.
I value working with clients and helping them move past obstacles that are preventing them from living full and rich lives. If you would like to talk more about your life and/or situation feel free to give me a call. I would enjoy hearing from you.
Skills For a Happy Marriage
Making your marriage a wonderful experience.
1) Make sure you say goodbye in the morning and you learn one thing that is happening to your spouse that day. Then remember to ask about it when you come home.
2) Be sure to connect with your partner at the end of each workday.
Take turns sharing; each partner gets to talk for 15 minutes. If you are the listener don’t give unsolicited advice, show genuine interest, and communicate your understanding by: paraphrasing and repeating back what your partner has said. Always take your partner’s side (this is about being in the relationship not about being right). Express that you are on the same team against others. Express affection and validate emotions.
3) Admiration and appreciation: Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation to your partner.
4) Affection: kiss, hold, and touch each other during the time you are together. Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep. Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day. In other words, lay your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness.
5) Weekly date. This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions, which show genuine interest in each other.
6) Appreciate anything your partner does or has done for you in the past that approximates what you want. Don’t discount the positive.
7) Make requests: make a request that is specific and behavioral.
The first winning strategy is to shift from negative/past complaints to positive/future requests. Give up the need to explain, defend, your need for the request. Take the burden off your shoulders by just requesting without all the reasons for the request. Let go of the outcome.
8) Guidelines for responding: clarify, acknowledge, and give. When your partner confronts you about something, do a 180 with defensiveness. Rather then defend, admit to your part. In the wake of difficult behavior, the most reassuring thing you can do is show accountability. If you refuse to- all that you’ve done is show your partner that you either don’t understand or don’t care. In either case, there is no reason you would not repeat the behavior. In other words, you are dangerous.
9) Empowering each other: how can I help you give me what I want? Nothing can impact the possibility of success then the combination of clarity in asserting your wants mixed with goodwill and genuine willingness to help.
10) Cherished your partner: It requires no skill to simply have something; it requires great skill in having it and keeping it well. It takes no skill in having a plant but it takes skill in tending that plant and keeping it a live. It takes no skill in owning a car but if you want it to last it requires maintenance. The single most effect a means of eliciting more of something is the cherishing it when it appears.
Partners seldom tell each other what they appreciate about the relationship. Make an effort to tell your partner what you appreciated about them ever day. If this is hard for you start by saying what you appreciate about your life and about yourself.
11) One, reclaim romantic space
Two, tell the truth with love and savvy
Three, cultivate sharing
Four, cherish your partner
Five, become partners in your relational health
12) The feedback wheel: a guide to communication and decreasing conflict
Ask your partner if he or she is willing to listen.
Remember your motivation is that you love them
Take the four steps of the feedback wheel. Tell him/her
What I saw or heard
What I made up about it
How I feel about it
What I’d like
Let go of the outcome
1) Make sure you say goodbye in the morning and you learn one thing that is happening to your spouse that day. Then remember to ask about it when you come home.
2) Be sure to connect with your partner at the end of each workday.
Take turns sharing; each partner gets to talk for 15 minutes. If you are the listener don’t give unsolicited advice, show genuine interest, and communicate your understanding by: paraphrasing and repeating back what your partner has said. Always take your partner’s side (this is about being in the relationship not about being right). Express that you are on the same team against others. Express affection and validate emotions.
3) Admiration and appreciation: Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation to your partner.
4) Affection: kiss, hold, and touch each other during the time you are together. Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep. Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day. In other words, lay your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness.
5) Weekly date. This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions, which show genuine interest in each other.
6) Appreciate anything your partner does or has done for you in the past that approximates what you want. Don’t discount the positive.
7) Make requests: make a request that is specific and behavioral.
The first winning strategy is to shift from negative/past complaints to positive/future requests. Give up the need to explain, defend, your need for the request. Take the burden off your shoulders by just requesting without all the reasons for the request. Let go of the outcome.
8) Guidelines for responding: clarify, acknowledge, and give. When your partner confronts you about something, do a 180 with defensiveness. Rather then defend, admit to your part. In the wake of difficult behavior, the most reassuring thing you can do is show accountability. If you refuse to- all that you’ve done is show your partner that you either don’t understand or don’t care. In either case, there is no reason you would not repeat the behavior. In other words, you are dangerous.
9) Empowering each other: how can I help you give me what I want? Nothing can impact the possibility of success then the combination of clarity in asserting your wants mixed with goodwill and genuine willingness to help.
10) Cherished your partner: It requires no skill to simply have something; it requires great skill in having it and keeping it well. It takes no skill in having a plant but it takes skill in tending that plant and keeping it a live. It takes no skill in owning a car but if you want it to last it requires maintenance. The single most effect a means of eliciting more of something is the cherishing it when it appears.
Partners seldom tell each other what they appreciate about the relationship. Make an effort to tell your partner what you appreciated about them ever day. If this is hard for you start by saying what you appreciate about your life and about yourself.
11) One, reclaim romantic space
Two, tell the truth with love and savvy
Three, cultivate sharing
Four, cherish your partner
Five, become partners in your relational health
12) The feedback wheel: a guide to communication and decreasing conflict
Ask your partner if he or she is willing to listen.
Remember your motivation is that you love them
Take the four steps of the feedback wheel. Tell him/her
What I saw or heard
What I made up about it
How I feel about it
What I’d like
Let go of the outcome
Daily Log
Daily log is a writing exercise when we are having difficult emotions. By writing them down we gain a better understanding of our emotions and gain comfort over time.
What is the event that is causing the distress?
What are your emotions?
What are the negative thoughts you are having?
Do you find any distortions in your thoughts?
How could you view this event in a positive light?
If you were ninety years old looking back on this event how does it look?
What is the event that is causing the distress?
What are your emotions?
What are the negative thoughts you are having?
Do you find any distortions in your thoughts?
How could you view this event in a positive light?
If you were ninety years old looking back on this event how does it look?
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER SELF-TEST
How much anxiety is too much? If you suspect that you might suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, complete the following self-test by clicking the "yes" or "no" boxes next to each question, print out the test and show the results to your health care professional.
HOW CAN I TELL IF IT'S GAD?
Yes or No? Are you troubled by:
Yes No Excessive worry, occurring more days than not, for a least six months?
Yes No Unreasonable worry about a number of events or activities, such as work or school and/or health?
Yes No The inability to control the worry?
Are you bothered by a least three of the following?
Yes No Restlessness, feeling keyed-up or on edge?
Yes No Being easily tired?
Yes No Problems concentrating?
Yes No Irritability?
Yes No Muscle tension?
Yes No Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or restless and unsatisfying sleep?
Yes No Does your anxiety interfere with your daily life?
Having more than one illness at the same time can make it difficult to diagnose and treat the different conditions. Illnesses that sometimes complicate anxiety disorders include depression and substance abuse. With this in mind, please take a minute to answer the following questions
Yes No Have you experienced changes in sleeping or eating habits?
More days than not, do you feel:
Yes No Sad or depressed?
Yes No Disinterested in life?
Yes No Worthless or guilty?
During the last year, has the use of alcohol or drugs:
Yes No Resulted in your failure to fulfill responsibilities with work, school, or family?
Yes No Placed you in a dangerous situation, such as driving a car under the influence?
Yes No Gotten you arrested?
Yes No Continued despite causing problems for you and/or your loved ones
Reference:
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 1994.
If you or someone you know would like more information on generalized anxiety disorders, please click here to go to the ADAA resource page on this topic.
How much anxiety is too much? If you suspect that you might suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, complete the following self-test by clicking the "yes" or "no" boxes next to each question, print out the test and show the results to your health care professional.
HOW CAN I TELL IF IT'S GAD?
Yes or No? Are you troubled by:
Yes No Excessive worry, occurring more days than not, for a least six months?
Yes No Unreasonable worry about a number of events or activities, such as work or school and/or health?
Yes No The inability to control the worry?
Are you bothered by a least three of the following?
Yes No Restlessness, feeling keyed-up or on edge?
Yes No Being easily tired?
Yes No Problems concentrating?
Yes No Irritability?
Yes No Muscle tension?
Yes No Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or restless and unsatisfying sleep?
Yes No Does your anxiety interfere with your daily life?
Having more than one illness at the same time can make it difficult to diagnose and treat the different conditions. Illnesses that sometimes complicate anxiety disorders include depression and substance abuse. With this in mind, please take a minute to answer the following questions
Yes No Have you experienced changes in sleeping or eating habits?
More days than not, do you feel:
Yes No Sad or depressed?
Yes No Disinterested in life?
Yes No Worthless or guilty?
During the last year, has the use of alcohol or drugs:
Yes No Resulted in your failure to fulfill responsibilities with work, school, or family?
Yes No Placed you in a dangerous situation, such as driving a car under the influence?
Yes No Gotten you arrested?
Yes No Continued despite causing problems for you and/or your loved ones
Reference:
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 1994.
If you or someone you know would like more information on generalized anxiety disorders, please click here to go to the ADAA resource page on this topic.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)